Grief-Safe Holidays

Answered by: Cherish A. Smith, MA, LMHC

The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for people who are grieving—whether after a recent loss or years later—December can feel like standing in the middle of a brightly lit room while wrapped in emotional darkness. Everywhere you turn, the world is celebrating. Meanwhile, your heart is just trying to make it through the day.

As a therapist, I often hear clients say, "Everyone expects me to be happy… but I'm barely holding it together." If this is you, please know: nothing is wrong with you. Holidays can hurt, sometimes deeply, when grief is present.

Why Holidays Feel Especially Painful When You're Grieving

Grief naturally pulls us inward. It slows us down, makes us reflective, and heightens the tender places inside us. Holidays, however, do the opposite—they pull outward. They ask us to gather, celebrate, smile, prepare, perform.

This contrast can create:

And grief doesn't only come from death. People grieving a divorce, estrangement, illness, loss of functioning, or loss of identity can feel equally unmoored during this season. Whether your loss was recent or happened years ago, the holidays can magnify absence. You are not doing the holidays wrong. You are not doing grief wrong. You are doing what humans do when the heart breaks.

When Holidays Hurt: A G.I.F.T. for Grieving Hearts

To help you move through this difficult season, here is a gentle four-step framework—a G.I.F.T. for anyone navigating grief while the world celebrates.

G — Grieve Your Loss

There is no right way to grieve—especially during the holidays.

Your grief may feel heavier this time of year: hollow, overwhelming, lonely, angry, or exhausting. You may not want to participate in traditions that once brought comfort. You may feel out of sync with the people around you.

Grief might look like:

Every expression of grief is valid.

Your mind isn't broken. Your heart is hurting—and hurt needs room.

I — Invitation to Choose What Supports You

Give yourself permission to choose what actually feels supportive, not what you "should" do.

Ask yourself:

Consider making a gentle Plan A and Plan B:

A backup plan isn't avoidance. It's compassion.

F — Freedom to Cancel the Holidays

You are allowed to do the holidays differently this year.

You can skip:

Taking space doesn't mean you'll never enjoy the holidays again. It simply means you can't this year—yet. "Yet" honors that grief is not static. It shifts and softens in its own time.

T — Trust Your Choices

Trust what you need, even if others don't understand.

Trusting yourself doesn't mean fulfilling others' expectations—it means honoring what your heart knows is true. If your holiday is slow, quiet, gentle, or solitary, that's okay.

You Are Not Alone

Grieving during the holidays can feel unbearably isolating, but you are not alone in this experience. The pain you're carrying is real, valid, and worthy of care. Whether you choose to participate, modify, or opt out entirely, you deserve to move through this season at the pace your heart can handle.

If you need extra support this month, here are some helpful resources that offer support for holiday grief:

You don't have to navigate this alone. If you're feeling especially overwhelmed and finding it hard to survive the holidays, consider reaching out to a friend, joining a support group, or connecting with a mental health professional. Accessing support is not a sign of weakness—it's a brave, compassionate step.

Be gentle with yourself. This season may hurt—but you don't have to navigate it without compassion, choice, and community.

Cherish Smith is a Florida-licensed mental health counselor with a master's in psychology and art therapy, specializing in trauma-informed care. She helps adults heal from trauma, grief, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm using Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), art therapy, and traditional talk therapy. Connect with Cherish at allmylinks.com/cherishmentalhealth