This is the second mothers’ day I am experiencing without my mom….and the 58th without my biological mom. I wanted to acknowledge my biological mom for the first time on mother’s day. This was sparked out of conversation I had with a lovely woman named, Kay. While I was journaling in the sauna, she asked me if I was an author. I said I was! In our conversation, I mentioned I am adopted as she asked about my cultural background. I said I only know 50% of it….but then I remembered I did 23 & me….so I said I am a European mix – mostly Irish, with some other countries and apparently 3% Aboriginal (that surprised me). At the end of our conversation, Kay responded; ‘Well, both your mother’s need to be honored for doing such a wonderful job. May you be blessed as you go about your day…. and always”. I thanked her for her kind words and soaked in her blessing.
Last year, on Mother’s Day weekend, I held my mom’s celebration of life. It was a beautiful tribute to my mom with her family & friends as we shared stories & songs: “Because you loved me” & Hold onto me sung by my dear high school, Sherri. I have felt my mom’s presence many times since she departed. I miss her dearly. I think of her every morning as shortly before she died, I adopted her morning ritual of drinking a cup of coffee. I think about her when I sip on my coffee and study “a Course in Miracles”. It connects me to her. I have written many poems as grief continues to pour out of me.
In April 2024, The first thing my mom had me do when she received the ALS diagnosis was complete the MAID application form. She wasn’t taking any chances of being denied the dignity of how she died. This was a choice she supported, and she was extremely grateful that it was available to her. In the 1990s, this was a controversial topic in British Columbia. Sue Rodriquez not only put ALS in the forefront of people’s minds, but she also put MAID into the collective conversation. She challenged the Criminal Code prohibition on assisted suicide, ultimately losing her 5–4 Supreme Court appeal on September 30, 1993. While she was denied at that time, we all bow our heads in grace for her pioneering and compassionate work in this field.
Once my mom’s application was approved in June 2024, she set about figuring out when would be the best time would be to exit this life. When we were preparing for my mom’s death, the Nurse practitioner encouraged us to think of funny stories or beautiful memories to share. The procedure can take up to 10 minutes before death is pronounced. The Nurse practitioner advised that my mom make sure she didn’t have any unfinished business or regrets – essentially to make sure she has done all the things she wanted to with her life.
My mom said she felt complete and had no regrets. All the things she had left to do related to my son, Noah. She wanted to see him graduate from high school. She wanted to see him finish his soccer season. She wanted to see him start university. She wanted to see him play his first curling games of the season with his new U20 Team – Team Kiist. While she wasn’t able to attend any of these events in person, due to severe mobility issues; however, she was able to watch online and be there to give him the biggest hug when he came to visit her afterwards. With respect to me, I said to her “Mom, you’ve seen it all with me. I am just going to get older and wrinklier”. She laughed in relief and gave me a hug! She told me, once again, how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. My only regret is that I didn’t let her love in sooner. Or anyone’s for that matter. I hope she knows how much I loved her too.
She didn’t want me to stop working. She didn’t want me to stop speaking or teaching. When I came back from speaking at ICNM in Barcelona, she said the wanted to do MAID in August. I was shocked. In three weeks, she had declined so much that she had changed the date from Feb 2025 to Aug 2024. I told her I wasn’t ready for that. It was just a few short weeks away. I told her we would do everything possible to make her comfortable and extend her life as long as possible.
She agreed….but wanted to figure out a date. That was the hardest part. There was never a good time. I also reminded her of her “goals” – ie that Noah would be starting university and curling until September – so she had to stay until then. After much discussion, we agreed to October 28, 2024. This is a date with spiritual meaning** and also had meaning to me as my best friend’s father had passed away on the same date many years prior.
Many events happened between August 1st and October, 2024 – most of them very stressful for me. I will share more in a future blog as it involved my capacity to stretch my arms in grace, compassion and forgiveness to my brother and sister-in-law – who had not spoken to me for over 20 years -no explanation given for that. In my opinion, it is inexcusable. But, as was typical in my family- maybe because I am the youngest – no one asked for my opinion. I have since learned to give it, and I realize many times it is not welcome in most rooms – LOL! I joked to my mom – why do you think I like to be a speaker – I get the microphone and can speak my truth for an hour with a captive audience! LOL
On this Mother’s Day, may you celebrate the woman that birthed you into existence. May you also honor the great Mother Earth that we all stand on. May we pay respect to all women who are struggling through a fertility journey. Or a woman who has just had her third abortion because she doesn’t feel supported in her life to bring a baby to term. Or the woman who has just given birth and given her child up for adoption. Or the mom’s that play the role of “foster mom” or “step mom”. May every woman understand she IS a mother. To herself, to her friends, and to her family. You don’t need to have given birth to own that title.
In May 2024, knowing it would be my last mother’s day with my mom – the gift I gave her was of song. She loved music and grew up in a musical family. I played her “A Mother Like you” by JJ Heller and sang it to her. She cried at the first words and all the way to the end. I held her as she sobbed in my arms. I love you mom- now and forever.
The nurse practitioner suggested we play some songs as my mom was transitioning. I created a play list on spotify I hope you find a song that touches your heart and moves you to tears. One that you can tap your toes to and sing and dance along to.
Sending you love and compassion for what can be a most difficult day for many.
— Dr. Chris, ND
*Spiritual meaning of October 28, 2024: this is considered a significant date, combining overall energy focused on completion, transformation, the release of old habits, and the emotional courage to walk a new path.
